If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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