He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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