is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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