So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it's like iHOP with fire
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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