Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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