wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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