Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He better not be in your backpack
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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