he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
