Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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