I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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