fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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