So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
