when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
