Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
