I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
