we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
