just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
