I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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