I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
