i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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