K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
