I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
