So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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