Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
