No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
