Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Send help, water and tortillas.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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