my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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