I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
