Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Shame - the story of my life.
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