roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize