Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
