My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
