My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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