he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
