I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
