im about as happy as oj after his trial
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
