that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
