Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
