my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
