I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
