i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
