so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
