he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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