Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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