singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
