So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
