Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
