she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
