there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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