Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
